Music on world off

Music is one of the most important and powerful things in my life. My life without melodies and harmonies would be totally empty. Listening to and playing different tunes helps me to relax and motivate me in my life. I love listening to music while studying, as I feel it helps me to stay focus. Music can prevent me from fall asleep during study.

I believe music effects people in many different ways. To me music is more than just something to listen to or play, it’s something to feel. Music is extremely important in my life. I think it brings me closer to my friends and family. I also feel that it helps me to get through things. Music is an immensely powerful thing and has a huge place in my life right next to my heart. it can help me during breaking point and expressing my feelings. 

This song remind me a lot to my family and friends. They are my flashlight. The one that gave me strength. The one that always light up my gloomy day. The one that always cheer me up when i am in pain. I am really thankful for being born into this world and having them by my side is a blessing. Sometimes i do not know how to express myself well, and listening to soothing music can make me calm. I feel as if there is nothing can bothered me. I love any kind of genres as long as it did not contain any cursing or bad words. 

Your words cut deeper than a knife

Have you ever been hurt by your friend because of their words ? It happened to me every single time. I love my friend dearly. Each one of them but sometimes even a machine can have their own breaking point. It is hurt to know that they are being careless with their words.

Can you imagined when your friend decided to lie to you just to save themself ? It is like they are putting the blame on you. I never fancy a liar, and knowing that someone used my name to clean his or her own name make me despise that person so much. I know that no one is perfect and everyone are bounded to make a mistake. But using someone else name to cover up for your mistakes is such and immoral act.

Despite all the hurt that i felt, i always told myself just to keep quite. I do not want to put myself as the same level as those people who hurt me. I might acted like i did not care but deep down it is hurting me. I do not want to put my friendship at stake just because of that. As i said before, no one is perfect. It is not fair when i can accept their good side but not the bad one. I believe in a friendship, we must accept our friends they way they are. I just hope that they will be more aware of their words. Stop carelessly saying something that might hurt someone's feeling. 

My little sunshine

As time pass by, she is growing up from new born baby to be a beautiful little girl. I am there with her when she first knew this world. Watching her grew up day by day, make me realised that a day spent with her meant a lot to me. So, i keep all the love and memories in a photograph.

This is my little sunshine that shine my world. You must be wondering whether if the baby is a boy or girl right ? Let me tell you a hint. That baby is my niece. Say hello to NurHikmah. She is a strong baby. Why i said that ? That is because during my sister pregnancy, she is really weak. She cannot eat anything for three months if i am not mistaken. Praise to God, NurHikmah is okay and here she is a healthy baby.

Being the playful girl i am, i tried to wear a hijab for her. She looks so cute and the fact that she wore a hijab with only her short make me laughing so hard. She love when people want to take a picture of her. She will immediately smile and that seeing her smile i feel so great.

When baby girl wore a dress but acted like a boy. Look at the way she sat. She looks like a gangster and my sister always said that she got it from me. She is trying to copy her not so girly aunty. I should be careful from now on. NurHikmah might copied everything that i do.

Look at the way she smile. She look cheeky with that smile. This picture was taken when i was doing the dishes. She is an expert in making a faces. When i asked her to cry she will acted as if she just got scolded. And if i said to act like she is happy she will give me that smile. 

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Her name is Rafida Darwis and she is from Sabah. She is the same age as me and she is studying at one of the college in Sabah. She is taking Human Resources Management courses. What is so special about her that make me comfortable with her ? She is such a nice person, always there for me during my lowest time. She is also the one that accompanied me at night if i need to do my assignments. When i got into trouble or feeling down, she is the one who always cheer me up with her silly jokes. Not to mention that she is pretty. We are about the same height only that i am bit taller by 3cm from her. We share the same hobbies as well. Both of us like to listen to music while day dreaming. If i am addicted to black, she is addicted to blue, white and dark colours. This girl is bit addicted to western style as her favourite food is spaghetti and she likes mocha, latte an cappucino. I think mineral water and fried rice should be enough for her. She always told me that she is insecure when it come to achieve her dream.

The purposes of me writing this is to show my gratitude towards her for always being by my side. I know she will read this as she is my number one stalker. She love me too much and she had nothing to do other than stalking me. Fie, i just want you to know that i really love you and i am really thankful for having you as my best friend. Although we never meet yet, i hope we can meet someday. We should apply for the same university. I really hope that we can be friend till forever. Let us all work hard to achieve our dream which is to be a teacher.

Last but not least, i want to say that unexpected friendship is the best one. I love you my dear best friend. I am dedicating this to my best friend that i never meet yet. I known her through Twitter. At that time, i was in the hospital as my mother was sick. I was scrolling through my news feed and the thought of sending her a message crossed my mind. I sent her a message and we talked for a long time. Since that day, we never stop texting each other. I am going to disturb you for as long as i want and please wipe your tears. I know you are crying while reading this. 

My teenage dream

"What will I do for the rest of my life?". Everyone always wonder about this question at some stage of their life. As a senior in high school, I also ask myself this question too after I graduated from high school. "A goal without a plan is just a wish.” I think planning is like drawing a map that guides us to the destination we seek. Once we have a map, it will be easier and more efficient to find the way we should take.We need a plan to begin the journey. The journey towards a better tomorrow.

I always dream off becoming a teacher. I personally want to be an English teacher. It is funny when i am dreaming of becoming a teacher when i hate school. Actually it is not that i hate school, it just that i am not a morning person. So waking up early in the morning is such a torture for me. But the thought of me teaching a kid and seeing their happy faces make me happy and really looking forward to be a teacher. My sister are all an English teacher. I wanted to follow their footsteps. I want to make both of my parents proud of me just like how they are proud of my sister. Plus, a teacher is a noble job for me. 

I am so in love with Audi's car. It look so elegant, classy yet sporty at the same time. I always told my mom that once i got a job, i want to buy that car. My mom joke around saying that once i bought that car, i am going to eat leaves for the rest of my life. Way to make my self esteem low. But nevertheless, i know my mom never mean that. As usual she just want to joke around with me. I think i can slap or kick whoever that scratch or bump into my precious car if i ever managed to get one. No one can touch my baby. 

My mom really love flowers so i guess i got it from her then. My dream house should have a garden with different type of flowers. Every evening, i want to spend my time at the garden while enjoying my tea time with my family. Just thinking about it make me happy. I cannot imagine if i can achieved it,I might fly straight to the outer space out of happiness. I do not want to hire a gardener as i want to take good care of it by myself. Outsider are not allowed to touch my garden. My house, my garden are my rules. 

I always dream off marrying a prince when i was a little. I want to live in castle, wearing jewelry and have lot of beautiful clothes. Every month i want to travel to a different places with my family. That is how silly my imagination is. As for my wedding, i want it to be a garden theme since i love flowers. My crown should be made of flowers and the cake must be made from chocolate only. My bridesmaid should wear a flower crown too. Every guest will be giving a bracelet made of flowers. Everything should be in all white. My future husband should be knowledgeable, nice, respect my family a lot and can accept me for the way i am. I hope i can find my prince charming although it will a bit challenging. 

Addicted to black

Everyone have heard about man in black. What about girl in black ? That is me. I am addicted to black and 90% of my belongings are in black. People always asked me why i like black so much. For me, black is still a colour and sometimes we do not need a reason to like something. It just came naturally. 

People always assumed that people who love to wear black is a sad person. That is not true at all. I am still the cheerful girl i am. I read somewhere that  the person who love to wear black is more cheerful than the other. Sometimes i wanted to laugh at myself. I looked like i am to going to attend a funeral not to class as i always wore black from head to toes. 

My mother and my friends always scolded me for owned too much black clothes. Every time i went for a shopping, i always bought everything in black. For example, my phone case is black, my clothes, hijab and even my sneakers. My classmate always asked me why i always wore everything in black and i joked around saying that because i have a black heart. I do not understand why people are making a fuss over it. Black is still a colour and it is not a crime to like black. I did owned some things in others colour. It just that it was not as many as i owned black. Everyone have their own interest in something as well as me. And i am addicted to black.

The not so girly me

Every girl must have their own favorite items either it is make up or clothes. Although I am a girl, I never fancy the high heels. I am more comfortable wearing sneakers. I do not have to watch my step in case I might fall flat on my face if I wore a high heels.

Since I was a little girl, I never love to wear anything girly. I am more to tomboyish type of girl. My mother always scolded for acting like a boy sometimes. She said I should act like a lady not like a boy. What is wrong with the way I act. I am still a girl no matter what. Believe it or not, I am willing to spend a lot only for sneakers. That is how crazy I am over sneakers. 

I never cared when people judge the way i dress. I am dressing the way that i am comfortable with. For me, it is better to wear something comfortable rather than wearing something revealing. As the saying goes ' Don't judge a book by it's cover'. I am not trying to be bias or anything. But for me, be friends with boys are more better than girls. It is less drama with boys. I am a friendly person so i do not mind be friend with anyone as long as i am comfortable with that person. Be our own self. Be true to our self. 

Smoking

I am not trying to judge people who are smoking here. In fact, my father is a smoker too. I just want to voice out my opinions. I do not get the idea of why people are so into smoking. How does the cigarettes taste  ?

I used to ask my father what does cigarettes taste like, and he said it does not have any taste. I asked him again, then why are you still smoking if there is no taste at all. My father said because once he started it was hard for him to quit. Being the talkative girl I am, I asked a question again. I asked my father whether he was afraid or not since there were lots of commercials and news about the effects of smoking. If let say something happened to him who will give me money to shopping. I wanted to laugh at my father’s reaction. He looks speechless with my question. At the end he answered yes while knocking my head and that was the price for taking advantage of his money. I know my father was just kidding and the knocking did not hurt at all. No parents in this world wanted to hurt their precious one.

I know every smoker said that it was hard for them to stop. I understand it. I just hope that they would not smoke in front of babies, pregnant lady or just smoke far from other person. Studies showed that, the people who exposed to the smoke were in greatest danger than the smoker itself. My father will smoke outside the house and I feel really happy for that. I just hope that smoking or not my father will always be in the best condition. It is never too late if someone want to quit. 

That awkward moment

That awkward moment

I have a friend named Shahida and I knew her when I was studying in matriculation. I am not that close with her as she only lasted there for a month. She quitted her studies and went to further her studies in nursing college.

One day, she added me on my social media, WeChat. My classmates when I was studying there named Shida too. So I thought that was her. I spoke like usual with her since we are classmate.  We talked for two hours I guess and I only realized that I made a mistake when I asked when she will be going back to Kelantan. She said why should she go to Kelantan and I said because you lived there. Your parents are there. You are Kelantanese. Then she said her hometown is in Pahang. Only after that it clicked on me that she is not my classmate.  I started to laugh till my stomach hurts. To cover the mistake I said that I know about it. I just want to tease her and she innocently trusted me.

The second time happened during my birthday. She wished me on my Facebook and at that time I thought she was my classmate in my university. People named Shahida bounded to be my friend I guess. My classmate is into Kpop music, and I teased her about the idol that she likes. And I used the same excuse again to cover my mistake. She being the oblivious girl she is believed in my words once again.

That was my awkward moment. Moral of the story, asked for confirmation first before starting the conversation. I hope you guys having fun reading my hilarious memory. 

Sources of happiness

My sources of happiness is none other than my parents. The only and only that i have. The one that always gave me the strength whenever i am in pain. My father, the most handsome and strongest man for me. He never showed that he is tired when he is working. The man that never sighed or complained in providing a good shelter for us, to make sure that we had a bright future upon us. My father rarely sick and i hope that it will always stay like that. It broke my heart into million pieces seeing my love one in pain. My mother, the most prettiest and honest woman for me. The one that always smiling to her children. The one that always patted my head when she praised me. The one that rubbed my stomach when i am having a stomachache. 

Seeing my parents smiling and that is because of me gave me the strength to live. I know i am not the best daughter for them. The were times that i wronged them and that was the most awful feeling for me. I never intended to hurt my parents feelings and i hope i am not gonna hurt their feelings anymore. I still remembered when i was 12 years old, my mother kissed me in front of my classmates and the whole school for getting a good grades. Rather than feeling embarrassed, i feel so happy. Nothing can described my feelings at that time. Same goes as my father. As soon as he got back from work, he immediately hug and kiss me. From that day, i swear to myself that i will study hard will make both of them proud of me. 

Beautiful mistakes

I am not a bright student when it comes to calculation. To be honest, i am the worst I guess. It happened two years ago, when i decided to further my studies in Matriculation. During my high school years, i am a science students so it quite hard for me to adapt in matriculation since i am taking accountancy. 

I cannot helped it but felt so hopeless during the lesson. I tried my hardest to understand the lesson but to no avail i still cannot grasped anything. That is how bad my brain when it came to calculation. I always joked around telling people that i do not like anything that related to calculation but i do love money so much. Literally, it is true. Well, everyone love money right ? 

I asked for helps from my friends and lecturers and with their helps, I managed to understand although only a tiny bit. Anis, she is one of closest friend there and she is the one that always helped me. People called us twins as we never separated from each other, 

As time passes by, I realised that i am making the wrong choice, a mistake. I should have taken the dentistry course that i got. So I made a choice to quit. Although it was a painful decision to do, to part from my friends, i had to do it for the sake of my future. I cannot put my future on the stake knowing that i somehow will get a bad result. 

After i made my decision and discussing with my parents, my tears cannot stop flowing. My roommates and friends got scared and kept on asking what happened. I cried more. After i managed to calm myself down, i told them about my decision. Then it was my time to console them. They were the one that cried after that. What touched me the most is the fact that they bought me a cake wishing for my success in the future and as a token of our friendship there. And once again, i started crying like a baby. More like we started crying together.

Here comes the hardest part, the time to bid my last farewell. They stick and waited for me till my father came. I guess i cried too much before this that i cannot cried anymore. Plus, my eyes a bit hurt from crying too much. We hugged for the last time while kept on promising not to forget to keep in touch. No words can described how much thankful and nothing can change my love for them. I am sorry because I only got this picture with me. My old laptop was broken and the files were gone too. Just remember that i will always all of you. 

1 2 3 and still counting

It is not an easy task to maintain a friendship. Friendship is the same as life. Sometimes there's an up and sometimes there's a down moment. It depends on us how we acted and what we do to protect the bond. I do not think that i can survive living in this world without someone to call 'friend'. I might end up going crazy by myself.

I still remembered my first time on making a friend. The first thing that i said is my full name. The feeling when i first make a friend was too overwhelming. It felt like i was been praised for doing something good. My feeling was over the moon. Days by days i counted the numbers of friends that i have till i loss the number. It felt great to have someone to talk to, joking around, hitting and kicking and a shoulders to cry on. 

My friends always called me short. But i never had any hard feeling towards them as i know that was just a joke. I tried to act like i was hurt by their words but at the end, i always end up laughing. Why ? because they does not care and even asked me to cut the act out. They are so mean sometimes. Correction ! Not sometimes, I supposed to say every time. That was us. Always throwing insulting words to each other. That kind of friendship is much more better than the one that always praising their friends. Why i said that ? Because praising can lie, but not an insult. People tend to be honest when it came to insulting people. 

Friendship

Preheat the oven of love

With plenty of secrets and hugs.

Mix in giggles and laughs

That makes your sides split in half.

Bake with the love and care

And all the things we both share.

Decorate with the frosting of trust

This is really a must.

Enjoy the cake do not eat it fast (like you usually do)

Just like our friendship, make it last.

Though this cake might not taste as good as secret recipe's cake

but i hope you will enjoy it.

P/S : Thank you so much for all the care and help.

Thank you so much for this heart warming letter. It's mean a lot to me just like you are. I will try my hardest to keep our friendship.